A peasant goes to Moscow

 A peasant goes to Moscow and is granted an audience with Kalinin. He asks why the rate of modernization is so frenzied, and Kalinin leads him to a window to show an example.

"See those rail cars down there? Right now, there are only a dozen. But in five years, there'll be hundreds! This will be the same with so many things in the Soviet Union!"

The peasant returns to his farm, and his friends and family are asking what he learned in Moscow. Looking around for inspiration, the peasant spots a nearby graveyard. "See those dozen graves? In five years, there'll be hundreds!"

Stalin goes swimming

 Stalin goes swimming in a river, but gets swept up in a current and nearly drowns. A peasant walking along the banks sees him struggling, jumps in, and drags him to the shore.

When Stalin comes to, he says, "Comrade, tell me whatever you want and it shall be yours!"

"Nothing," the peasant replies, realizing who he just saved. "Just don't tell anyone it was me who saved you!"

Stalin goes out in disguise

Stalin wants to know what the people truly feel about him, so he goes out in disguise as a common worker.

He goes into a theater, where before the movie they play a propaganda newsreel. Every time Stalin appears on screen, everyone in the theater stands up and applauds. However, he remains seated.

One of the other moviegoers leans up and whispers to him, "Most of us feel the same way, comrade, but it would be safer for you if you stood up."

An old woman meets Gorbachev

 An old woman gets an audience with Gorbachev, and asks him a question: "Who invented socialism, scientists or politicians?"

"Politicians, of course," replies Gorbachev.

"No wonder. If it were invented by scientists, they'd have tested it out on dogs first!"

An American gives advice to a starving Russian

 An American tourist in the Soviet Union meets a Russian who is incredibly poor and starving. He gives the Russian some advice: "Do as I did. I went out in front of the White House and started eating hay. The President came out to me, asked what I was doing, and I told him I couldn't afford to buy food and needed to eat hay to survive. He was so moved that he helped me find a house and a job!"

The Russian tries this out and goes to Red Square, where he starts eating hay in front of the Kremlin. Chairman Khrushchev comes out and asks him what he's doing, and the Russian says he's so poor he needs to eat hay.

Khrushchev replies, "You should save that hay, we're supposed to have a long harsh winter! In the meantime, you should eat grass!"

Brezhnev tours a factory

 Brezhnev tours a factory and asks the workers, "How are your lives, comrades?"

"We're living well, Comrade General Secretary."

"And you want to live even better lives?"

"If you give us such an order, we'll live even better."

Brezhnev gives a speech at the Party Congress

 Brezhnev gives a speech at the Party Congress reporting on the dire nature of production in the Union. "Comrades, the Planning Committee tells me that by next year, we'll run out of meat. What shall we do?"

The hall is silent, until one voice in the crowd says "We'll work ten hours a day!"

Brezhnev continues, "The Planning Committee reports that in two years, we'll run out of dairy products. What shall we do?"

The same voice responds again, "We'll work twelve hours a day!"

Brezhnev continues, "The Planning Committee reports that in three years, we'll run out of bread. What shall we do?"

The same voice says, "We will work day and night without rest!"

Brezhnev's eyes tear up, and he says, "Thank you, dear comrade, for your patriotic initiative! Tell me, where do you work?"

"In a crematorium, Comrade Secretary."

Tito tours a lock factory

Josip Broz Tito is touring a newly-built lock factory. He sees one worker, who only managed to assemble four locks that day.

"Four locks?" Tito laughs. "When I was still working in a factory, I could make twenty in a day!"

"But Tito," the worker replies, "before the war, you were a locksmith. I was an economist."

Honecker goes outside in disguise

 Erich Honecker, President of East Germany, feels concerned that the people don't like him. So, he puts on a disguise and goes onto the streets of East Berlin.

He approaches a man on a street corner and asks, "What do you think about Honecker?"

The man looks around nervously and replies, "I can't say it out in the open, others might hear me! Follow me down that alleyway."

Honecker follows the man, until they feel that they're far enough away from any eavesdroppers.

At last, the man leans over and whispers, "I support Honecker!"

Starving peasants petition Lenin

 A group of peasants go to Moscow to petition Lenin about the food shortages in the countryside.

"Please, we're reduced to eating grass in the fields! Soon enough we'll be mooing like cows too!"

"That's preposterous," replies Lenin. "We're drinking tea with honey in it, but we're not buzzing like bees."