Life under Lenin is like being in a tunnel: it's dark, but you can see the light coming up.
Life under Stalin is like being on a bus: there's one man driving, half the people are sitting, and the other half are shaking.
Life under Khrushchev is like a circus: one man is talking, and everyone else is laughing.
Life under Brezhnev is like a bad movie: everyone's just waiting for the show to end.
Stalin wants to know what the people truly feel about him, so he goes out in disguise as a common worker.
He goes into a theater, where before the movie they play a propaganda newsreel. Every time Stalin appears on screen, everyone in the theater stands up and applauds. However, he remains seated.
One of the other moviegoers leans up and whispers to him, "Most of us feel the same way, comrade, but it would be safer for you if you stood up."
Why did Wojciech Jaruzelski always like to sit in the front row at the theater?
It was the only time where the people would be at his back.
A Polish artist is commissioned by the Politburo to paint a work honoring Polish-Soviet relations. He tells them he'll call his painting 'Lenin in Poland', and they approve.
When it comes time for the painting to be unveiled, the audience is shocked. The painting shows Leon Trotsky in Lenin's bed, where he's having sex with Nadezhda Lenina!
"This is an outrage!" the commissar cries. "Where is Lenin?!"
The artist replies, "Lenin is in Poland."
A new comedy movie is premiered for the Politburo, including Stalin. After the film ends, when asked for comment, he replies, "It was funny. But that clown had a mustache like mine. Have him arrested for treason and shot."
"But Comrade General Secretary, maybe he could shave his mustache?" suggests one of his aides.
Stalin replies, "Good idea. First shave, then shoot!"
