A little girl is home alone when the phone rings.
"Hello? ...no, my daddy's not home. He's a cosmonaut up in space, and he'll be coming back tonight!
"My mother? She's not home either, she's waiting in line to get some potatoes. She'll be back tomorrow."
Radio Yerevan, why is there an ongoing flour shortage?
Because people figured out you could add it to bread.
While meeting with Leonid Brezhnev, the American President asks him, "How do you manage food distribution in such a large country?"
Brezhnev replies, "It's very simple. We bring all the food to Moscow, and everyone forms a great line to receive their share when it's their turn. Then they carry it to where they need to go."
Two weeks after Khrushchev's deposal and enforced retirement by Brezhnev, his wife goes out to get some bread, but comes back empty-handed.
"Can you believe it?" he says. "Two weeks without me, and everything's already collapsing!"
Radio Yerevan, is it possible to build communism in America?
In theory, yes. But if it does happen, where will we get our grain from?
In the distant future of 2010, a boy asks his grandpa, "Grandpa, what's a line?"
The grandpa replies, "A bit over twenty years ago, there wasn't enough meat in stores, so we had to wait in long queues at the stores' entrance in hopes of there being some meat for us to buy. That's what lines are. Understand?"
"Oh, okay," says the boy. "But what's meat?"
A Russian man comes home to find his wife in bed with another man, and he's outraged.
"You good-for-nothing bitch! Look at how you're spending your time, while they've got only three boxes of eggs left in stock at the general store!"
At a line for meat rations, the store is starting to run low. At 9, they announce "All Jews, get out of the line!"
They still don't have enough for everyone in line, so at 10 they announce "Everyone who isn't in the Party, get out of the line!"
It's still too low for them to make it, so at 11 they announce "Everyone who isn't a Great Patriotic War veteran, get out of the line!"
At noon, they announce "Apologies comrades, but we're all out of meat!"
As everyone who was still in line walks away, one man mutters, "Bloody Jews, always getting preferential treatment!"
An old veteran goes out to get some meat for his dinner, but he comes home empty-handed because the line didn't have enough.
"I can't believe this! I fought for Lenin in the revolution and Stalin in the war, and this is how they treat me! If they run out again tomorrow, I'll give that commissar a piece of my mind!"
"Please don't say anything stupid, dear," his wife says, "or else they might shoot you for treason!"
The next day, the old veteran comes back, seething and empty-handed.
"Were they out of meat again?" his wife asks.
"Not only that, they're also out of bullets!"
A man walks into a store and asks, "You don't have any fish here, do you?"
The man at the counter replies, "No, this is the butcher's, we don't have meat here. The shop that doesn't have any fish is up the road."
A man who's been waiting in a breadline for hours eventually gets fed up, shouts, "That's it, I'm off to kill Gorbachev!" and storms off.
An hour later, he sheepishly returns to the line.
His friend, who let him come back into the line, asks "What happened?"
"The line here is shorter."
