Honecker and his mistress

 Erich Honecker is making pillow talk with his mistress when she tells him, "Dear, why won't you open the borders?"

After a moment of pondering what she means, he replies, "Ah! You want the two of us to have some alone time!"

Trabant heating

 Why do Trabants have heated rear windows?

To keep your hands warm as you push it.

A man goes to a Trabant dealership

 A man goes into a Trabant dealership, goes up to the dealer, and asks, "Hello, do you have any Trabants with a two-tone paint job?"

"As a matter of fact, we do," the dealer replies. "It also comes with power steering, cruse control, adjustable power seats, heating, air conditioning, and a digital instrument panel."

"You're joking!" replies the man.

"Well, you started it!"

Trabants at a green light

 Why would a Trabant be stopped at an intersection with a green light?

There's some gum on its tires.

Trabant 601

 What does the Trabant 601 stand for?

600 cars ordered, 1 car delivered.

A man's Trabant wipers break

 A man's driving his Trabant when his windshield wipers break. He pulls into a service shop, goes up to a mechanic, and asks "Wipers for a Trabi?"

The mechanic pauses for a moment and says, "Sure, seems like a good deal."

Stasi taxi drivers

 Why do Stasi officers make such wonderful taxi drivers?

When you get in the car, they already know where you home is.

Two Trabants crash

Yesterday in East Berlin, two Trabants collided with another.

There were fifty-two injured: two drivers, and fifty fighting over the parts.

Trabants and teenagers

How is a Trabant like a pregnant teenager?

They're both fifteen years old and the shame of the family.

Trabant on a hill

 What do you call a Trabant on a hill?

A miracle.

The sheik's Trabant

 A wealthy Arab sheik hears of the Trabant, a car so rare that people are willing to wait ten years to get ahold of one. He figures that it must be incredibly desired, and places an order for it.

The factory gets word of the order, and they're so excited that they make it a top priority. After only a month, the car is ready and it's shipped off to Arabia.

When it arrives, one of the sheik's aides goes to tell him the news. "Sire, you know the car you ordered? They already sent you a cardboard model of it!"

Stasi surveillance

 How can you tell when the Stasi has bugged your house?

There's a new cabinet in your kitchen and a new generator in your backyard.

An East German teacher asks little Fritzie

A teacher in an East German class asks little Fritzie, "Why do you refer to the USSR as 'our Soviet brothers'? They're our Soviet friends."

"Because you can choose your friends."

Brezhnev's opinion on Honecker

After a state visit to East Germany, Leonid Brezhnev was asked about his meeting with Erich Honecker.

"He's an okay politician," Brezhnev replied, "but he sure knows how to kiss!"

Reagan, Gorbachev, and Honecker are in a plane

 Ronald Reagan, Mikhail Gorbachev, and Erich Honecker are in a plane that crashes in the Sahara desert. While waiting to be rescued, they see a group of Berber nomads with guns on the horizon.

As they spur on their camels and charge, Reagan tries to deter them by yelling, "If you let us live, you'll be handsomely rewarded!" However, they are unmoved and continue charging.

Gorbachev tries next, saying "If you let us live, I will show you the path to communism!" However, they fail to stop.

Thinking fast, Honecker yells "YOU ARE APPROACHING THE BORDER OF THE GERMAN DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC! WILKOMMEN, KAMARADEN!" The Berbers scream, turn their camels around, and flee.

Erich Honecker and the sun

 Erich Honecker wakes up one morning, looks outside, and says "Good morning, comrade sun!"

To his surprise, the sun replies, "Good morning, Comrade Honecker!"

Later that day, he tells some of his colleagues at the State Council Building about it, and they refuse to believe him. So, they go outside, and Honecker calls out, "Good afternoon, comrade sun!"

"Go fuck yourself!" the sun replies.

Honecker is outraged. "How dare you! Do you have any idea who you're talking to?!"

"I'm in the West now, I can say whatever I want!"

Honecker goes outside in disguise

 Erich Honecker, President of East Germany, feels concerned that the people don't like him. So, he puts on a disguise and goes onto the streets of East Berlin.

He approaches a man on a street corner and asks, "What do you think about Honecker?"

The man looks around nervously and replies, "I can't say it out in the open, others might hear me! Follow me down that alleyway."

Honecker follows the man, until they feel that they're far enough away from any eavesdroppers.

At last, the man leans over and whispers, "I support Honecker!"

Brezhnev and his wife take a train

 Brezhnev and his wife are taking a train from a state visit in Berlin back to Moscow.

At one point, she asks him where they are. Brezhnev opens the window, sticks his hand out, and pulls it back in a second later.

"We're still in Germany. I stuck my hand out and someone kissed it."

A few hours later, she asks him again, and he sticks his hand out the window again.

"We're in Poland now. I stuck my hand out and someone spat on it."

She asks him a third time after several more hours passed, and he sticks his hand out again.

"We're back in Russia. I stuck my hand out and someone stole my watch!"