Radio Yerevan on the Armenian Space Program

 Radio Yerevan, why did Armenia never send a man into space?

Because if we did, then we would all die of joy, the Georgians would all die of jealousy, and it would mean only the Azeris are left.

Stalin solves troubles in the Caucasus

 Stalin's aides tell him that ethnic tensions between Armenians and Azeris are bad enough that they're on the verge of open war.

"Very well then," he answers. "We'll embody the principle of socialist unity and make a single capital for both the Armenians and Azeris."

"Where, Yerevan?" an aide asks.

"No."

"Then Baku?"

"No, we don't want to favor one over the other."

"What city, then?"

"Magadan."

Radio Yerevan on beautiful cities

 Radio Yerevan, is it possible that an atomic bomb will destroy beautiful Yerevan?

In theory, yes. But remember that Moscow is a far more beautiful city.

Radio Yerevan on socialist unity

 Radio Yerevan, how do you define socialist unity?

When Armenians, Georgians, Russians, and Chechens can all come together to beat up the Azeris.

Radio Yerevan on the Armenian Navy

Radio Yerevan, why did the Armenian SSR establish a Ministry of the Navy if they're landlocked?

We heard that the Azerbaijanis established a Ministry of Culture.