The sheik's Trabant

 A wealthy Arab sheik hears of the Trabant, a car so rare that people are willing to wait ten years to get ahold of one. He figures that it must be incredibly desired, and places an order for it.

The factory gets word of the order, and they're so excited that they make it a top priority. After only a month, the car is ready and it's shipped off to Arabia.

When it arrives, one of the sheik's aides goes to tell him the news. "Sire, you know the car you ordered? They already sent you a cardboard model of it!"

Brezhnev tours a factory

 Brezhnev tours a factory and asks the workers, "How are your lives, comrades?"

"We're living well, Comrade General Secretary."

"And you want to live even better lives?"

"If you give us such an order, we'll live even better."

Celebrating Lenin's centenary

 To celebrate the hundredth anniversary of Lenin's birth, plants and factories all across the Soviet Union design commemorative goods to honor him:

• A perfume named "Scent of Lenin"
• A soap named "All over Lenin's places"
• A cosmetic powder named "Lenin's ashes"
• A bed for newly weds named "Lenin is always with us"
• A laxative named "Lenin's testament"
• A candy named "Lenin in chocolate"
• A bra named "Lenin's hills"
• A wine named "Lenin in Razliv"
• A sausage named "Lenin's cut"
• A cuckoo clock with a Lenin figurine that, on the hour, pops out and says, "What to do? What to do?"
• A fountain named "Lenin's jet"
• A windup doll of Lenin that, when wound up, hops one step forward and two back
• A tourist guidebook called Lenin's Favorite Siberian Places, for people who like telling jokes about Lenin

A Japanese worker is brought in

When a Japanese-made piece of production equipment breaks, the factory bosses have no choice but to contract a specialty mechanic from Japan to fix the machine. He works tirelessly, never fraternizing with any of the workers after hours, until his contract expires.

When it's time to leave, he turns to the workers and says in broken Russian, "Apologies. I am good worker, know worker solidarity when see it. But had contract, must work, so sorry could not participate your long strike."

A Party official talks about Five Year Plans

At a factory meeting, a speaker from the local Party committee tells the workers about the bright future ahead of them.

"See, comrades, after this Five Year Plan is completed, every family will have a separate apartment. After the next one, every worker will have a car! And when the one after that is completed, every family will own an airplane!"

One of the workers asks, "What the hell would you need an airplane for?"

"Don't you see, comrades? Let's say there's a shortage of potatoes in your town. No problem! You take your plane, fly to Moscow, and buy potatoes there!"

Tito tours a lock factory

Josip Broz Tito is touring a newly-built lock factory. He sees one worker, who only managed to assemble four locks that day.

"Four locks?" Tito laughs. "When I was still working in a factory, I could make twenty in a day!"

"But Tito," the worker replies, "before the war, you were a locksmith. I was an economist."

Three factory workers are arrested

 Three factory workers are arrested and are waiting together in the back of a KGB van.

The first says, "I came in to work five minutes late every day, so they accused me of being an American saboteur."

The second says, "I came in to work five minutes early every day, so they accused me of being an American spy."

The third says, "I came in to work on time every day, so they accused me of having an American watch."

Rabinovich makes trade deals

 Rabinovich works as a trade official, and he's told he's about to be fired for incompetence. "Please, I have a family to feed!" he begs.

His Party boss gives him an impossible challenge as a test. "Alright then, you will fly to France and try and sell a thousand liters of Soviet perfume. If you do it, you can keep your job and get a bonus too."

Rabinovich is sent off, and a week later, his boss gets a telegram: "Contract made, here's the address for the perfume."

He returns home, but his boss is still skeptical and wants another test. "Fly to Morocco and sell as many Soviet oranges as you can."

Two weeks later, the boss gets another telegram: "Morocco is buying Soviet oranges in any quantity, send the first shipment to this address."

Rabinovich returns and receives another bonus, but his boss gives one final test. "Fly to China and sell Soviet-made sneakers. If you do it, you'll be made head of the local trade ministry."

The first month goes by with no word, then the second, then the third. Four months later, Rabinovich sends a telegram saying "China is buying sneakers in any quantity, send the first shipment to this address."

When Rabinovich returns, he gets a hero's welcome at the trade ministry, and the Party boss says "I can't believe you did it! But tell me, why did this one take so long!"

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to find another Jew in China?"

Khrushchev tours a collective stockyard

 Khrushchev tours a collective stockyard, where the workers show him their latest machine: a state-of-the-art sausage maker.

The workers only have to load a hog carcass, push a button, and a chain of sausages comes out the other end a minute later.

Upon seeing a demonstration, Khrushchev japes, "Ah, but is there a machine where one can put a sausage in and a hog comes out?"

"But Comrade Khrushchev," one of the workers replies, "only your parents can do that!"

Some workers in a washing machine factory

 Some workers in a washing machine factory decide that they want one for themselves. So, they resolve to steal the parts over time and build it in their apartments.

But it seemed that every time they tried, it would end up as a T-34.