Stalin loses his pipe

 Stalin looks for his favorite pipe in his coat pocket, only to find that it isn't there. He calls up his chief of security, Lavrentiy Beria, and tells him to look for it.

Later that day, Stalin realizes that he left his pipe in his desk drawer. He calls Beria and tells him to call off the search.

"But that's impossible!" Beria replied. "I already have signed confessions from a dozen of the pipe thieves!"

Stalin collects jokes

 Stalin and Beria are having lunch one day, and they get talking about hobbies.

Stalin says, "I collect jokes I hear others telling about me."

"What a coincidence," Beria replies, "I collect the men telling those jokes."