Three men are sitting around telling jokes about Stalin when one pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me!"
Another says, "Not me, comrade!" and pulls out his KGB badge.
The third one pulls out his KGB badge too and says, "Comrades, there are too many of us around here!"
Two cellmates in the gulag discuss what they did to get arrested.
"I'm in here due to laziness," says one.
"What?"
"My friend and I were telling political jokes to one another all evening, then I went to sleep. However, my friend wasn't as lazy as I was, so he went to the police and informed on me first."
To celebrate the hundredth anniversary of Lenin's birth, plants and factories all across the Soviet Union design commemorative goods to honor him:
Radio Yerevan, what is the longest joke you know?
Khrushchev's speech at the Party Congress.
Radio Yerevan, what is the shortest joke you know?
The word "communism."
Stalin summons Karl Radek and says, "I know you go around cracking jokes at me. It's impertinent and disrespects the office."
"But why?" asks Radek.
"I'm the Great Leader, Teacher, and Friend of the People, after all."
"No, I haven't told anyone that one yet."
An American, Frenchman, and Russian debate which of them is the bravest.
The American goes first. "My friends and I take ten cars, one of which has the brake lines cut, and we grab a random set of keys, then we go racing. Afterwards, one of us is injured, and the other nine visit him in the hospital."
Then the Frenchman goes. "My friends and I find ten beautiful women, one of whom has AIDS. We roll dice on who we pair up with, and we make love all night long. Afterwards, the other nine visit the sick one in the hospital."
Then the Russian goes. "My friends and I all gather in an apartment, not knowing which of us is an informant, and spend all night telling political jokes. Afterwards, one visits the other nine in jail."
A joke-writing contest is held. The prize for first place? Fifteen years.
A university professor teaching a sociology class asks his students, "Do you think our society is reevaluating the importance of political jokes?"
"Yes," answers one of the students. "They used to get you fifteen years, but now they only get you three."
Several dozen people are at a birthday party, and the vodka's flowing freely. Soon enough, people start telling political jokes, and they're all met with raucous laughter.
One of the guests cries out, "Please, comrades, it's too noisy, I can't hear the jokes! I'm trying to write all these down!"
Another guest comes up to him and says, "You must be a savant, how can you write down all these jokes so quickly?"
"Oh, I'm just writing down all their names."
A judge sees his coworker walk out of a courtroom, laughing and wiping away tears.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"I've just heard the funniest joke!"
"Well, what is it?"
"I'd love to tell you," the other judge replied, "but if I did, I'd have to sentence myself to 10 years too!"
Who built the White Sea Canal?
The left bank was by joke-tellers, the right bank was by their audience.
Stalin and Beria are having lunch one day, and they get talking about hobbies.
Stalin says, "I collect jokes I hear others telling about me."
"What a coincidence," Beria replies, "I collect the men telling those jokes."
How does every joke in the Eastern Bloc start?
With a glance over your shoulder.
