An archaeology expedition in the Urals finds the body of a caveman frozen in the ice. However, they can't find out many precise details about his age or what his various artifacts were, and soon they begin arguing.
"Relax, comrades," says the expedition leader. "I have a friend working in the KGB, and they have all sorts of high-tech equipment! Surely they have something that can help us!"
The leader makes a few calls, and soon, a team of KGB agents arrives and ask to be left alone in the site.
The next day, the lead officer gives a report to the archaeologists. "His name was Golunk, he was from a nomadic tribe in the Volosovo culture, he was born 5,344 years ago, and he died age forty-one. He mainly ate roots and berries, though sometimes he hunted elk with his spear. He had eight children from three wives, and his necklace was part of the dowry from his eldest son's wedding."
The expedition leader is stunned at how much detail the KGB was able to find out. "How could you possibly get this much information?"
The officer replies "He confessed!"
A variant has the mummy of an Egyptian pharaoh.
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