A little girl is home alone when the phone rings.
"Hello? ...no, my daddy's not home. He's a cosmonaut up in space, and he'll be coming back tonight!
"My mother? She's not home either, she's waiting in line to get some potatoes. She'll be back tomorrow."
A teacher asks the students what their parents do for their jobs, and little Vanya says, "My father owns a brothel!"
Later, the very concerned teacher calls Vanya's father and says "Your son told me you own a brothel."
"No, he's just trying to save face," the father replies, "I actually work for the KGB."
A cucumber, a radish, a tomato, and a flea all apply to join the Communist Party.
The cucumber is turned away for being too green.
The radish is turned away for being red on the surface, but white on the inside.
The tomato is turned away for being too soft.
The flea returns to the vegetables and announces that he got in!
When the vegetables ask how, he replies, "Don't you know? They always let in another parasite!"
Why do police officers ride two to a motorcycle?
Because you need at least eight years of education to drive one.
Question 1: Who is your favorite political leader?
Question 2: Why is it Comrade Lenin?
Two tribes of cannibals in Africa form an alliance and conquer their neighbors. Per their traditions, the tribes' chiefs celebrate by butchering and feasting on the body of the defeated enemy chief.
"A bit stringy," says one.
"Not very flavorful," points out the other.
"Still tastier than what we had at the Lumumba University rectory."
What's the difference between Mikhail Gorbachev and Alexander Dubček?
Nothing, except Gorbachev doesn't know it yet.
